Today is my 40th birthday, as enneagram 2, I’m often more comfortable highlighting others rather than myself so it feels appropriate to celebrate the occasion with acknowledging the role other people have played in my life. This week, in doing some reflecting on my 40 years, I came to the conclusion I wouldn’t be who I am today without the influence of the many people who have shaped me over the years. I’m a huge fan of “marking the moment” and taking the time to acknowledge the meaningful milestones along the way, so in honor of my 40th I wanted to thank all of the people who have contributed in small and large ways to the woman I am today.
For the sake of ease and clarity, I’m going to make this chronological, naming people in roughly the order they came into my life.
Young childhood
First and foremost, I wouldn’t be who I am today without my Mom and Dad. I have my mom’s passion for matters of faith and her strong will. I have my dad’s work ethic, timeliness, long-term loyalty and love for organizing details and making lists. The older I get, the more I notice the traits I inherited from my parents that were deeply ingrained when I was a child.
There are too many additional family members to name something from each. I had grandparents who instilled things in me such as humor and speaking kindly about others. I have cousins I played with outside for hours and colored at the kitchen table with. I have aunts and uncles that passed on a passion for family and food. Each of these people shaped me and contributed to my understanding of myself, family and relationships with others.
My step-mom, Dawn, has been in my life since I was 3, she probably shaped me almost as much as my actual parents. She taught me how to have fun, as we drove down our street with music blaring, allowing me to hang out of the sun-roof. I remember living with her and my dad during the summer as a child and the ease and playfulness with which we went about our days. She always allowed me to be as absurd and silly as I wanted, without feeling embarrassed.
My step-sisters, Cathy, Debbi and Vicki, have also been in my life since I was 3. I remember being in elementary school and middle school while having sisters that were moving out on their own, starting careers and getting married. I always thought they were the coolest driving their jeeps, with their big 80’s hair dos and stylish clothes. I wanted to be like them. We haven’t always been close, but just knowing they were there was a comfort to me. Growing up mostly as a lonely only child I took great pride in getting to say I had sisters. Now as a grown up, I admire the women they each are, women with great senses of humor, a deep love for family, and women of faith. I still want to be like them.
Elementary and middle school
Allison, Genevieve and Katey, oh the memories I have of the things we had no business doing. We loved music and boys and were just starting to figure out who we were. I remember the days of wearing band t shirts, thrift store corduroys, converse shoes and doc martin boots. We listened to The Beatles, The Doors, The Grateful Dead, Jimi Hendrix, Nirvana, Blind Melon and Simon and Garfunkel. We felt deeply and has so much going on inside ourselves that we didn’t understand at the time as we tried to figure out who we were in the world. Having you with me made the awkward journey easier and more fun!
High school
Esther and Russ, you two loved me at some of my lowest points, you accepted me even when my actions and morals were so different from your own. I can’t remember which of you (or was it both of you?) who out of love and concern turned me in when I was under the influence of drugs at school, but you each were friends who truly cared about my well-being. Esther, although I didn’t agree with your faith at the time, you gave me a glimpse of what a life of faith could look like and that joy could be found apart from substances. You loved me where I was without ever judging me.
Callie, Kaytee and Rachel, for years we were a package deal. Almost all of my memories from high school involve one or all of you. You gave me a place to explore who I was, to try on different opinions and lifestyles. It’s amazing we made it out of high school alive and without ending up in jail, but we did it! Although we’ve become very different adults, I will always think fondly of having you as friends during some of my most awkward and challenging years!
College and CarMax
During my college years I worked at CarMax and quickly found myself getting promoted and in supervisory and management positions. The sheer circumstances and responsibilities involved with my roles helped me to grow up quickly and leave childish behaviors behind me. I blossomed into an adult during my time working there, not only taking responsibility for myself, but the benefits, payroll and administration for hundreds of people. This job influenced who I am today almost as much as any particular person. I loved observing the various management styles from our store managers and would like to think I absorbed unqiue things from each of them. My boss, Chris Tilley, helped form in me an extreme attention to detail and commitment to excellence in my work. He told me that I never make the same mistake twice, and he helped me to learn a lot over the years, trusting me, then a young college girl, with more responsibility than I had ever experienced, causing me to rise to the occasion.
Laura and Sara, you were my partners in crime who like me, worked long hours, but played hard when we weren’t at work. Y’all loved me for who I was and truly saw me at the time. We had so many laughs and inside jokes. Your friendship carried me through that season of life. I won’t ever think of Captain and diet or the phrase “smooches” without thinking of you.
Myrtle Beach
And then I moved to Myrtle Beach, to a new job, new place, new friends… and my life changed. At a point when I found myself at my lowest ever is when my friend Mary introduced me to Jesus through her words and actions. Mary modeled the graceful and forgiving love of God to me in ways that still blow my mind. When I would call her up and ask if I needed to stop cussing, smoking, living with my boyfriend and drinking to be a follower of Jesus she would not micro-manage my behavior, but directed me to seek the Lord, and allow Him to speak to me in those areas. She encouraged me to embrace a walk with the Holy Spirit rather than a set of rules, and for that I will forever be grateful. I would not be the woman I am today without having been introduced to a loving God and receiving His work of making me an entirely new creation.
Over my years at Kelly Services I had three different bosses and took something from each one. Scott, were a fun boss and showed me that work doesn’t always have to be serious. Alyson, you do things with excellence and challenged me to do the same. Kristal, you came into my life when I was a new believer and modeled how faith can influence my approach to work.
My ladies Bible study – Shauna, Coleen, Mary and later Christie, Kristine and Tiffany -, you ladies provided a place for me to explore and build my faith. You let me ask questions, you encouraged me and prayed for me, you modeled what it looks like to walk with Jesus and you were patient with me as I made mistakes and slowly moved forward. Your love and acceptance nurtured me.
And a year later I met Jeremy. Through Jeremy pursuing me I first really came to understand just how deep God’s love is. I’ve learned what an intimate and personal relationship with Jesus looks like. I’ve learned how to be a better listener to others and to ask better questions. Through Jeremy God redeemed my view of what dating and relationships could look like and I have always known he was the one for me since our first date. Jeremy helps me to slow down and to live more present and connected with the people around me. He helps me to think outside of the box and embrace nuance and the gray area. I am the woman I am today because of him.
Bryan and Meegan, you guys have been family for years but I’m just now getting to enjoy the fullness of what that means now that we live in the same state. I couldn’t have chosen a better brother and sister (in law) if I tried. You guys have warmly welcomed us into your entire lives with open arms. Our entire family loves your entire family. We always feel unconditionally loved by you, free to safely share our whole selves. I love how we can laugh and have fun together, but also talk about deep matters of the heart. Together we are building the close-knit family I’ve always dreamed of having!
Mike and Sue (my father and mother-in-law), I was so excited to marry into your family, while no family is perfect, you all loved each other and the Lord. I treasured the stories Jeremy told me of having playful napkin fights at the table after family dinner and traditions such as making birthday cakes for Jesus. I wanted all of this for our own family, and in many ways based the structure of our family upon the foundation you created. You two welcomed me into the family and have always worked to make me feel like a family member and not just your son’s wife.
Lisa (my sister-in-law), when we first met you were happy and engaging. I loved playging with you and watching you laugh. You were so free, you danced and cheered and didn’t think twice about what other people thought of you. I’m still learning this level of freedom and self-expression from you.
The Dormans, you welcomed Jeremy and I into your family with open arms. You modeled marriage, parenting, and faith for us so well. You invested in us deeply. You gave me my first experiences with what prophecy can look like and instilled a belief in me that God is powerful and is still doing miracles today. You gave me a heart for discipleship and taught me with words but also by example how to “bring them in, build them up and send them out”.
Caitlin, Kim, Meg and Megan, your friendship was a gift during a time in which I found myself distanced from the friends I’d had for years and walking through the newness of married life. You ladies walked with me so graciously, but never hesitated to speak bold truth when prompted by the Holy Spirit.
New Orleans
New Orleans, you shaped me just as much as any individual person. The passion of the people made me want to be a person who celebrates and lives life to the full. The culture, rich with food, music and history, brought continual joy into my life. I got to live in a place many people wanted to vacation. You are a city where there is room for everyone, where differences are celebrated, where people are encouraged to be their unique selves, and this culture helped me find my own personal voice and style.
Our Journey small group – Tony, Brant, the Suters, Kim, Rebecca, Katie, Arthur and a few others from time to time – you guys helped us feel at home in a new city. You were our first experience of a group of mutual friends as a married couple. We had so much fun with park picnics, potluck dinners, beers at The Bulldog, parties and more.
Our friends from Vintage Church, you were my first long-term church family ever, and our first as a married couple. You quickly provided us with lots of friends, relationships we carried with us throughout our entire 12 years in New Orleans. You gave me a community in which to deepen my faith and I will forever be thankful for all of the connections we made through you.
The Akinkugbes, Baudiers, Glasses, Hingles and Pedrazas, we all met at one church, but continued our friendships as we later spread out to various other churches within the city. From kids birthday parties, to Mardi Gras, to Friendsgivings, Christmas parties and NYE celebrations you were friends who stuck together and knew how to have fun. You showed up to moments that mattered – from funerals, to Jeremy’s book release party, to Jeremy’s art shows, to helping us move – you were faithful friends who showed up.
Sarah Brick, you were one of my earliest friends in New Orleans, the ease of our natural friendship helped New Orleans feel like home. You have always been one of my favorite people to process with as you are wise, deep and full of grace. You were the first mature adult friendship I had in which we had conflict and were able to work through it and stay friends. Through that I learned that if you can stick with people, you can get through hard times and formed confidence that conflict doesn’t have to mean a relationship needs to end.
The Niscavits, I’ll never forget our monthly themed ethnic dinners and conversations about what God was teaching us and doing in our lives. I still have your food processor and dutch oven and use them often. You constantly challenge and inspire me with your bold faith and Gospel-centered life.
The Bernhards, you guys do community so well. You opened up your lives and hearts to us. Katianne, you have taught me how to be a more graceful mom and friend and have shown me what it looks like to live fully present in the moment with the people you are with. Jordy, you always tell it like it is, honestly and vulnerably. You carry wisdom, leadership and spiritual maturity. I remember 10ish years ago, in community group, when you talked about hearing God and said something to the effect that God doesn’t have a problem talking, but we have a hard time listening to Him. This was one of the first seeds planted in which I had the epiphany that I needed to take time to be quiet and listen to God.
The Lucas, you two are special, you are a different breed of pastor than I’ve known. You shepherd by linking arms with others, making room for them to use their gifts, exploring their beliefs with them, while keeping your eyes fixed on Jesus. You live the Kingdom as you not only seek the benefit of your own body, but also that of others. I remember when you two showed up for the launch of The Hub in the Marigny and you came ready to serve their body and get your hands dirty with us. You guys lead with humility, freely admitting your struggles and inviting others into your lives and hearts. You walk with integrity and carry yourselves well. You love and worship Jesus with a contagious passion creating an atmosphere I will never forget.
The Franks, we have literally been through so much life–so many highs and lows– with you guys. You stayed faithfully committed to us when things were good and when they weren’t as good. The sheer depth of experiences we’ve logged together will keep us connected forever. You two have been such a constant and safe place for us to have “thought experiments” as our faith and beliefs evolved over the years. You wisdom has guided us through many rough times. You two have brought so much FUN into my life, teaching me how to play, laugh and the value those bring to relationships.
Noah, Eli and Zeke (my kids), I always dreamed of being a mom and you 3 made that a reality. I mess up all the time, but you are so patient, forgiving and love me so unconditionally regardless of my mistakes. You each are a joy, bringing so much laughter and fun to my life. Your snuggles are healing for me and help me to slow down and be present in the moment. Noah, you teach me how to connect, as you are so good at connecting with others. Eli, you have the kindest heart and are so thoughtful. Zeke, you never cease to make me laugh or light up a room.
Jill, your humor, stories and presence carried me through some of the difficult years with little kids. All of our playdates and walks made life so much more fun for me and my kiddos. I’ll never forget the Macy’s diarrhea story, or your ability to laugh at the messy situations in life.
Our community group– the Franks, Lillards, Monteros, Powers, Tobiks and later the Lafargues– the people changed over the years as some moved away and others moved on to other things, but our group stayed committed to meeting every Sunday. This group taught me so much! We explored a different style of leadership than I’d ever experienced as each couple took turns facilitating our group. We all were able to be blessed by the variety of strengths, differences, passions and teaching styles we each possessed. We laughed and played together, had hard conversations, carried each other through difficult times. Between us we attended various churches – no church, non-denominational, charismatic, Episcopalian, a small church of mostly homeless people and a Presbyterian church – and yet we were able to cross denominational and theological lines by a mutual love for Jesus and each other. This group helped my faith to be more well-rounded, to appreciate differences and receive from what everyone brings to the table.
My ladies book club – Amanda, Ashley, Carrie, Casey, Claire, Elizabeth, Emily, Katie, Jaime, Kelly, Lindsay, Mallory, Mary Lauren, Melissa, Molly, Sarah and a few others who came a few times – the faces in book club changed over the years, but regardless of who came, book club was always one of the highlights of each month for me! Oh how I loved trying new restaurants with you ladies and discussing books. Over the years you helped me develop a love for fiction and step out of my comfort zone with books. I read things that challenged me, by people who have different backgrounds, beliefs and experiences than me, and I am a better, more compassionate person because of it all.
Allie and Lauren, you are two of the warmest and most sincere women I know. You each have vulnerably opened up your hearts to me and provided me with a place to do the same. God gave me each of you at exactly the right time. Allie, your friendship helped me to overcome some insecurities and be more confident in who I am. Lauren, you have always provided me with a warm and nurturing presence, like when I cried at our greeting table at the Vintage women’s breakfast. I’m also extremely grateful at having you as an Insanity buddy as I lost the baby weight from Eli! You each have hearts of gold and love the Lord and others so authentically.
Mallory, I will always think fondly of the days we both lived in Mid-City and had regular walks along the bayou. Your love for the Lord and Scripture are what first drew me to you, but your openness, wisdom, faithfulness and encouragement are what kept our friendship alive. You are my favorite person to discuss the enneagram with. Bible studies, book club, MOPS, the IF Gathering, community groups etc. were all always better with you in them.
Dave and Debbie, you have taught me about love, grace and faith. Dave, I’ve never known anyone who so fully embodies the love of the Father, your eyes light up with warmth, love and gentleness. I still remember you telling me that whenever you start feeling fear about finances you just start writing checks to undercut the enemy and his lies. I will always treasure this idea or doing the pressing against your fears. Debbie, you show up every single time with a servant heart for others and encouraging words to bless them. You live ministry and love in action. You two have always felt like a bonus mother and father to us!
To the leaders and body of One Hope Church, y’all provided a place of healing when I was disillusioned with and hurt by the church. You restored my faith in and love for the local church. You gave me a vision of a ministry team that enjoys each other and has fun together. Thank you!
The MOPS leaders and Mentor Moms, there will always be a special place in my heart for the time I served in this ministry. Perhaps one of the memories I most treasure is coming home from one of our monthly leader meetings when we were reading through the book Adorned and discussing what it looks like to love our husbands well. I came home from that meeting and my husband said “I don’t know what happened at your meeting, but you are being so nice!” (hahaha). Thanks for being a community that challenged and sharpened me to be love the people around me!
Amanda, we were friends from the first minute we met at MOPS. Your vulnerability and honesty has always been refreshing and set the stage for a friendship in which we can be completely honest and vulnerable with each other. Momming little kiddos was more fun with you to laugh with along the way.
April, Heather and Lindsay, our years of weekly homeless street ministry have left a lasting imprint on my heart. You each love the Lord and others with your whole heart. You each believe with supernatural faith to see “greater things” and live out 1 Corinthians 4:20 by preaching in power. Street ministry taught me that you don’t need permission to minister and you don’t need a program you can simply take what you have in your hand and go bless others with it. You also taught me that women have a place in the church, that we are powerful and that we can speak, preach and minister in powerful ways.
The Mitchells, our entire family loves your entire family. There’s not much that makes my mama heart happier than seeing my kids truly love and connect with the kids of our dear friends. Sonny, you never cease to make me laugh and remind me not to take life too seriously, you have a unique gifting to connect with all children who enter your presence. I see Jesus in that because the children loved to come to him and children LOVE to be around you! Jaime, you are deep, wise, thoughtful and stable. You help keep the people around you grounded. You have spoken truth and prayed powerful prayers when I needed it all. I admire your writing, your preaching and the way you carry yourself with integrity. You ask good questions and have made me feel known and seen.
Emily and Lindsay, I will never forget the year we read through the Bible together, discussing and encouraging each other with Scripture daily formed a certain bond that can’t be taken away. You two believed in me and cheered me on when I didn’t believe in myself. You’ve listened so kindly as I’ve cried and processed so many things. I’ve loved all of our playdates, retreats, book clubs, beach trips, MOPS events and dinners. You each brought so much thoughtfulness, fun and depth into my life.
Rene, my life-wife, your faithfulness, steadfastness and reliability have been a beacon leading me through storms. You have been a safe place to share my heart, a fun friend to try new restaurants and foods with, the best workout partner (because who else is crazy enough to sweat it out with an intense workout outdoors in the New Orleans summer heat) and the best teammate to serve with whether we were in MOPS leadership or weekly serving our homeless friends at Taco Tuesday.
Lissa, in many ways I feel like you’re my soul sister. We read many of the same books, listen to many of the same podcasts, share a love for contemplative Christianity and are never scared to throw away the box we had God in when He reveals something new to us. You gave me a safe place to explore new thoughts and ideas with grace and thoughtfulness.
Jamie P, you are like a sponge my friend, always soaking up truth and wisdom. Always pursuing growth and being ready to listen and follow what God is saying to you. Your warmth and passion for God and others are contagious.
The Indwelling church family, I remember the first time I walked in at the Bywater location and was basically a hot mess crying the whole service. Since that first day I knew you were a safe place I could show up as I am and find love and acceptance amidst the mess. You helped me to realize that I am a small church girl at heart and that I thrive within a small, tightly knit body.
To “The 10” – the Bresees, Corders, Gustafsons and McFarlins – or whatever quirky name you guys want to go by this week, it is an honor to be a part of a group of such amazingly gifted people. It is completely supernatural the way God has united us couples, all in different states, with such different backgrounds, and He has brought us to a place of unity. I am so excited to continue to live a lifestyle of ministry with you as we walk together with Jesus! Traveling with all of you is my favorite because everyone “goes along to get along” and we have such deeply spiritual times together and can also cut up and being silly laughing until we cry.
Lisa A, seeing you every morning and evening helped stabilize me, especially during quarantine. You always looked me in the eyes, asked good questions, remembered important dates and gave me the most thoughtful tokens of your appreciation. You never seemed rushed to get to work and always were present with me in whatever I was feeling each day. You are generous and thoughtful, with money, gifts, words, time, attention, all of it! Your family will always be a part of ours!
The Sullivans, you guys very quickly felt like home and family to us. Our entire family absolutely adores your entire family. You are “our people” personified. You are a safe place to share our heart, laugh, and show up as our fully authentic selves even when that part of our self isn’t the prettiest. You’ve provided a safe place to have challenging and thoughtful conversations, even when they felt controversial and we were on different sides of an issue, but you carried on in love and always put relationship over beliefs. You are a place I am free to be completely me and know I will be loved and embraced for who I am.
To the New Orleans Mom team, you have created something unique and special, a team of over 40 women in which everyone truly cares for and encourages each other rather than competes with each other and engages in drama. Thank you for helping me to find my voice as a writer and realize that I am most happy in work environments where I’m a part of a team. At the first event I worked with you (Halloween) my husband said he hadn’t seen me that happy in a while, you showed me that it’s possible to have fun while you work and truly enjoy it.
Ohio
Our Agathos church family, I am seriously blown away and in awe of every single one of you. You are a church of powerhouses, people who truly love God and walk in His power and love. There is something special about this body I noticed the first time we ever visited, 6ish years ago and I love that we now get to call you our church family. Years ago, when I first visited, I got a taste of something special that I’ve used as a standard for what I look for in a church ever since. You have welcomed us with open arms and made the transition of living in a new city so much easier by your friendship and presence, we felt at home right away in your midst.
Karissa, friendship with you is effortless, I feel like we could talk all day long and never run out of stuff to talk about. You are such an encourager, such a strong woman of faith, such a kind and thoughtful friend.
Kristal, you are fierce, fun and fiery. Your energy lights up a room. You speak with power and authority, yet drenched in the Father’s love and grace. You love your people well and protect them and I am honored to be among that group.
Megan, you give the best hugs that minister to my heart. Your purity of heart challenges to me live a life of integrity. Your love for the things of God is contagious. With your help, I’m hoping to overcome my fear of gardening this year.
My Ohio book club – Aly, Beth, Erin and Meegan – you ladies are so fun and I love our conversations. Eating and discussing books with friends are two of my favorite pastimes and doing so with y’all makes me feel like myself and at home in my new city.
This is not an exhaustive list, I could name many additional friends, co-workers and relatives that have influenced me along the way, but these are some of the ones who most stand out in shaping the person I’ve become.
Thank you to each of you (named and not named) for the part you’ve played in my life and the things you’ve taught me along the way! I’m more convinced than ever that each and every person is a gift, created in God’s image, to bring a unique expression of Him into the world, and I’m more grateful than ever that I’ve had the opportunity to be impacted by so many wonderful people.
